kristin has been a bad kristin
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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