Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
