Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
