he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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