Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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