I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
