make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
