Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
