anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
