He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
