By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
