i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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