Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
