I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
