I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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