I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
