Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
even my farts smell like vagina
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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