can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
