every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
