We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
