Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
