fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
