What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
