If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
