Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
