I accidentally had phone sex last night
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
