You really coming over, don't trick.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
