Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
