a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
