Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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