I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
