she's into porn, im staying here tonight
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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