My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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