YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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