I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
