She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
