Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
