our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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