Who did Billy Mays play for?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
