So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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