you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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