I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
