How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
