One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
DRUNK COOKIES
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