My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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