I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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