i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
