I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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