I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
