I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
